check it out our google latitudes are spooning
wakey wakey hands off snakey
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
