i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
