Need sex. Gaining weight.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wear drunk well.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
