Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
