between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
