Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
