I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
