Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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