Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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