I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
