I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
