you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
