she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
