there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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