Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
