My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
