the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
