My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
