sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
