did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
