You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
