there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize