3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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