shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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