Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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