phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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