oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
