First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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