why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
