Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
