don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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