i would punch a child for taco bell
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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