That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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