Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
