That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
