He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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