He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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