Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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