Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
