At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
