She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
