where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
