And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
50% drunk capacity currently
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize