is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
