What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
