I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
