Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
