i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
