party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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