real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
