Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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