how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
