I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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