i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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