i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
