his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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