If i come over, it means nothing
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dicks are not precious.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
