she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
