how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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