We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
