Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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