he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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