You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
