my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
