Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
