I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
