He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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