Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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