She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
